A Whole New World

The irony is not lost on me that the last post I published was all about gratitude for the people in my life. What a ride we are collectively on right now. It has been almost a month since I wrote something for this blog and not for lack of things to say or feelings to express. This new reality is hitting me in waves, vacillating between gratitude and guilt for my privilege. Constant appreciation for my support system, mixed with a deep unsettling for the uncertainty of what's to come. But if anything, this global shift is accentuating the necessity of our relationships.

These are some of the thoughts I am trying to unpack day by day:

Overnight my world feels so tight and closed in....unable to go really anywhere, and at the same time I have never felt more connected to people all across the globe. It is crazy to think that expense was the biggest hurdle just a month ago when I was considering planning a family trip. The ability to just hop on a plane and get to most any country in the world (as a Canadian), is a privilege I never investigated....and I took for granted. Though there is no other place I would rather be than in this country, with our incredible public health care system, and a government I may not always agree with but that has proven it can drop the partisan agendas and come together to help people when it really counts. This pandemic is highlighting just how fortunate we are as Canadians, and my heart is breaking for the people who live in places that don't have our resources.

It's easy for my mind to go into the worst case scenario....I think it is my way of mentally preparing myself so that I can handle what is coming. But it doesn't serve me. So I am trying to rewire my brain to focus on the positive things that are coming out of this even in the short term. Full disclosure, this is easier for me to do today while my husband and I are both still working full time and my in-laws are still offering us a ton of support with our girls. That is not most people's situation, and if you are finding it hard to stay positive, don't judge yourself for it, even with a ton of support and the ability to earn an income I have found this very challenging. These are weird and scary times. For me...I am trying to focus on some of the good things that I am noticing, maybe this list will help someone?

-I have always said that I love being stopped at a train when I am driving. And the reason is simple....how often in life are you just given permission to sit still? Take a minute? No one can be mad that you are late....it's a train! This is beyond your control. So take the time to breathe deep and sit with yourself and enjoy that moment. I am trying to remind myself of that while I am being asked to sit with myself and keep my distance. What can we all learn about ourselves in this time?

-The phone has always been a lifeline to family and friends for me. Whether it was 10 year old me trying to cope with the chaos at home by calling my dad from payphones, or 34 year old me texting and calling my friends to check in. Let's give ourselves permission to have those late night phone calls and email those friends you haven't talked to in years. One of my favorite things in the world is to reach out to a friend and tell them how important they are to me. This is a great chance to do that.

-Lastly for tonight, family and friends (however you define that) make everything better. My kids have had such a beautiful perspective throughout this last month....their whole world has been flipped upside down, school is closed and they aren't allowed to be around anyone who is not immediate family and practicing social distancing....yet their spirits are great! They want to bake cookies, and play board games, and Nintendo, and create art. When I need a pick me up I turn to them. I ask them about their day and what they want to do. And the outside stresses seem a little bit smaller in those moments.

My hope for everyone out there is to stay safe, stay as hopeful as possible, and remember that we are all living in this moment together. More than ever we are walking in each other's shoes, and though our world's might seem like they're closing in at times....perhaps it will bring us all closer together.

And one last thought....a humongous thank you to everyone that is allowing us to keep living our lives. The people that are literally putting their lives on the line every single day. The health care workers, the child care providers, the truck drivers, the teachers, the grocery store workers, and anyone else that is keeping our world running. I am sure I will never fully comprehend the bravery and sacrifice you are making every day. Thank you.

-Amanda.