For the last 11 years I have been working full time (less one year of mat leave – could not be more grateful to live in Canada), while balancing motherhood and my part time course load. For 7 of those years I have also been bookkeeping for family. My place on my own list of priorities is dead last, if it even registers. I am often eating convenience food or take out (waste of money which brings on guilt, not very nutritious which depletes my health), and I feel like I always have something weighing on me that I “should” be doing. More than I would like to admit, this ends up with me being so overwhelmed I don’t do any of them and then I fall behind…and the procrastination catches up to me. Sometimes I will have to squish a course into a few days, oftentimes I am really behind on the books and giving terrible service (admittedly, I need to find the courage to quit the books so that someone whose full time job is bookkeeping can give my family much better service). I won’t give less than 100% to my kids, husband, and work…so the other things fall to the wayside. And unfortunately I have consistently become one of those wayside things. After many years of personal ups and downs, chipping away at courses, I was ready to register for my first CPA course for this fall! But it felt like life was swallowing me up. Could I do it? Sure, I have shown myself over the years that I can more than meet a challenge….but should I? Should I spend another two years (about what the program would take me on my original trajectory), or should I hit pause and focus on myself for awhile? What could my health and life look like if I decided to be kinder to my body? What could my life feel like if I got to spend more time with my family? Could I catch up the bookkeeping and quit it? Could I save money and trim down my waistline by meal prepping? Could I get rid of the lethargy and the sluggishness if I spent time moving my body everyday? I hope so. And so I took a leap – I put off registering for the Core 1 module (the first of 6 over a 2-3 year span of time to get my CPA designation). Admittedly, this has not been emotionally an easy decision. Part of me wonders if I will regret it, part of me wonders how it will affect my career…but mostly I do feel like I have been given permission to care for myself. Maybe for the first time. And I am excited to see what this year brings to me. Hope you are also taking time to listen to your needs and be kind to yourself:) =Amanda
