Asking for help is not a weakness. Being vulnerable is not a weakness. Emotions, sensitivities, awareness of yourself and your being....these are all positive things not to be discounted and tossed aside. In fact, the older I get the more I realize I was sold a fallacy from a young age and even bought into it for sometime. The truth is these are strengths. Depending on someone doesn't have to mean you relinquish your independence. Wearing your heart on your sleeve doesn't mean that you're giving yourself away. And sensitivity can mean compassion and empathy, emotional intelligence. All these things lead to greater human connection, greater sense of self, And all of these beautiful things can exist within boundaries.
You may be reading this thinking, well yes that is quite obvious. But it wasn't for me....it took me a very long time to realize that my propensity to share my heart and feel my feelings was my superpower. That those qualities can disarm people and help them feel safe and welcomed. Also, that being open about where you are at (with yourself and others) can be the secret to finding some semblance of balance.
With all the health issues I have been contending with lately, I have been extremely fatigued. And my husband has stepped up. Today alone he picked up the girls from school without asking me if I could (knowing it was tax season and I likely couldn't), he asked his boss to adjust his schedule for March and April so that I could get into the office earlier and thus get home earlier (striving for my evenings free with my family so I can work on this nutrition and movement piece). And he helped me make some healthy snacks for the week to take as part of my work lunches.
Those are not small things. Those are incredibly kind, supportive things that I appreciate so much. And I know this is happening because we have worked to make our relationship a place where we are safe to be vulnerable. It wasn't always this way. We were both guarded in the past, not that long ago. We were both stewing in our own emotions. That communication has been work and it is one of the most valuable investments we have ever made. An investment we need to keep contributing to as we grow and evolve as people and as a couple.
I used to feel guilty if I couldn't "do it all" which of course I couldn't. No one can. I am peeling back the layers on myself and realizing that what can at times feel like a limitation is really just acceptance that I am a human, trying my best in the world, lucky enough to be surrounded by people who want to meet me where I am, and help me move forward.
With an open heart and an open mind,
-Amanda
