Reflecting on What This Year Was to Me

There doesn't appear to be anybody who went through 2020 unscathed. Some lost jobs, time with loved ones, some lost much more. This post is not about that but it is impossible to write a post reflecting on this year without acknowledging that I am able to have my perspective because I have lost little compared to others. I want to start this by saying that I realize that, and if anyone reading this is not up for a reflection post on what I gained this year, I get that and maybe don't read this post, or read it knowing ahead of time.

This year had a challenging start for me. I was about three months into my new job and realizing pretty quickly that it was not what I had been sold when they poached me. I was also dealing with a pretty intense reproductive health issue, anemia, and some other looming health concerns. I got to spend my sole overnight trip of 2020 in Edmonton for a friend's grad with my old firm which only highlighted for me the contrasts in culture.

When the pandemic hit in March it was tax season - the busiest time of the year for my industry. Balancing the overtime with my kids at home from school was a blur of stress and mom guilt that I am sure many parents can relate to.

June came and tax season ended, I was given a positive evaluation only to be blindsided with a termination three weeks later. I won't get into the particulars of how cruel the partners were but it definitely helped keep it in perspective for me. I think this pandemic has brought out who people are and in some people that is a wonderful thing, in others it is truly sad.

I have always been a standout employee - part of the reason they poached me I am sure. And I had been offered every public practice position I had ever applied for. So it was a gross feeling to be without work and to have it not had been my choice.

But it lit a fire in me. I couldn't find work, I even tried reaching out to former employers but in a global pandemic the job market is not ideal. So it is extremely exciting to report that as of a few weeks ago I work at a firm that I helped to co-found! It is an incredible feeling to know that we can shape a place with our values - compassion and empathy at the center of our leadership. And we have had inspiring meetings with people in our industry and others who also lead from the heart and are doing it successfully.

Though this has been a massive and exciting part of my year, there are so many other parts I am thankful for too, including:

Reconnecting with some people in my life including one of my cousins that I love so much and just had fallen away from over the years

Spending more time with my kids and having that quantity of time I haven't had really ever because of my work and school

Starting and getting through half of my CPA designation (I wrote my tax exam on December 16th and though I don't find out my exam results for another few weeks I am hopeful I passed)

Deciding to get an IUD because it changed my entire life in a matter of days...I went from such extreme blood loss and anemia that I couldn't walk to my couch from my bed to being able to go Christmas shopping with no issue (the small things I took for granted when they were always easy)

I joined a weight loss program in October and it is helping me get my eating under control, but even before that...I have lost almost 25 pounds since I have been at home (since March) Spending less money because I barely drive or eat out anymore....and I don't do anything or travel at all these days

Appreciating the smaller moments even more than I did, and the conveniences I could have had more gratitude for...I think growing up the way I did I have always had an appreciation for a full pantry but this year has made me more acutely aware of how privileged I am

I feel more connected to my husband than ever before. In fact, we both agree this was our best year together. He has been an incredible support through this very "in flux" year of mine

The few beach days we had this year we savored because we knew we wouldn't get away much. It also made us work that much harder to find nearby sand and stream:)

We discovered some epic shows and binged them as a family

I perfected the mayo-free tuna fish sandwich

Therapy hit me harder in the best ways and I had some real breakthroughs about my weight issues and my self-esteem.

Everyone we know have supported my friend and I in our new firm, I can't even articulate how much that means to me.

This year I definitely missed my people, and I really felt boxed in by not being able to travel, but at the same time I have had a lot of time for self care and to reflect on what I want from my life. I am beyond ready to move on from this year but I will take the perspective with me as I grow in 2021. My hope is that I will have a couple holidays with my family, finish my CPA, grow this firm, and get to a healthier weight.

But I intend to celebrate any progress, because life I am learning is not all or nothing. It is a journey of small moments and what matters most is how you treat people.

With a renewed perspective and cautious optimism,

-Amanda