The Lonely Days

Being a mother has profoundly changed my life, and it has never been lost on me how lucky I was and am that I could get pregnant easily, I had uncomplicated pregnancies and labors, and was blessed with healthy, beautiful babies. These realities I know, are not something that everyone is lucky enough to have. It is something I will never take for granted. And I love being a mom. I wouldn't define myself as a natural "kid person" or even someone with an impressive maternal instinct. Having children wasn't something I thought about at all growing up...I wanted the power suit and the corner office and a husband or family simply didn't show up in those story lines. And yet...

Here I am with two incredible girls that I get to help shape and I get to call my family. I met my now husband and we got on the baby train fast, having our first daughter within a year (yes you read that right haha our relationship accelerated very fast and probably concerned many people around us). And everything people say was true...they are delicious, you want to gobble up their cheeks:) they are endlessly entertaining. They grow way too fast. They are hilarious and smart, and silly and I could go on and on. They have taught me so much about myself, about life....being in their lives has made me a better person. I could go on and I am sure I will in other posts because my relationship with them and with myself as a mother is a massive part of me. But this post is about a part of motherhood that people weren't as eager to dispense.

The lonely days.

In those early days when your babies really need you...they demand your full attention, they cry for hours on end, they don't sleep, and you rapidly start to forget who you were outside of being a mom.

It is hard to talk about these days. Because of all the things I mentioned before. You are acutely aware of how lucky you are to have these beautiful humans in your arms. You appreciate that, and you appreciate them. And you love them unconditionally.

But...

Feeling lonely and loving your babies are not mutually exclusive. You can both be so full of love and gratitude that your heart may burst.....and also feel like you are slipping away from yourself and your friends and your life outside of being a mother. Acknowledging this isolation doesn't diminish the gratitude, the love, the joy even. I believe it is healthy. Because it isn't easy, it can be lonely, and that doesn't make you any less the fantastic mother you are. It makes you human.

We all hear about post partum depression, I myself really struggled after having my second. But this is a separate conversation.

This conversation is about missing pieces of your old life, while loving your new one. Missing the nights out with the girls, the ease of going to brunch at whatever time, no naps schedules to consider. It can be a disorienting feeling when parts of your life that were always there have significantly changed or fall away completely. And it can be hard to see that it will come back one day. But it does!

My girls are now at ages where they play independently or with each other and I can have the girls over for wine (even having their kids over for play dates at the same time). It is easy now to go out or host people and it is easy to get out for movies or dinner with or without the kiddos. Date nights are easier, even getting away for a night or two with a friend is easier. My social life has returned! And yours will too:)

Over time you will get those pieces back and you will forget how you felt when you were in the thick of it. You may even romanticize those days because all you remember is their tiny feet and their snuggles and their sweet little voices.

But in the meantime...

Remember that you are valuable. You, as a human, outside of being a mother. You are relevant, you are loved. You are doing an incredible job. It is okay to feel overwhelmed and to ask for help from those you love and trust (seriously, people love to be asked to help) and to talk about it. Love those snuggles. Cry those tears. Feel how you are feeling. It is real, but it will pass. And when it gets easier for you, try and be there for the mothers that come after you. Because we all need support. And we all need a reminder that we are doing a good job, and that it gets easier.

With love,

-Amanda