What if you could talk to yourself as a child? No way would I talk to that little girl the way I talk to myself. She needed someone who looked at her the way I look at my girls, and that wasn't always possible for her. Thankfully there were amazing siblings around her. And many people that may have played smaller, supporting roles in the story of her life, but nevertheless made an incredible impact. Thinking about my inner self talk today as I wrote this poem. It is about the tug of war I sometimes have with myself through my self doubt and in dealing with my depression.
Never in a million years,
Would I have used up all these tears,
If you weren’t worth the feelings,
Pouring from my broken heart
You didn’t see it then,
And often still don’t see it now,
But there’s so much love inside you,
That has been there from the start
Forgive yourself, forgive yourself,
You don’t deserve to struggle,
Love yourself, Love yourself,
You don’t need all the answers
Trauma doesn’t have to,
Define your whole existence,
It’s okay to not be fine,
You don’t owe me any reasons
Look at yourself how you look at others,
Open the curtains, get out of the covers,
Meet each day regardless of weather,
Tell yourself you deserve to feel better
Be proud of how far you’ve already come,
And remember your story has barely begun.
Depression and anxiety are a part of my life. When I was first diagnosed I was scared and I was insecure about what it meant to have a mental illness. Medication was part of the plan that my doctor and therapist encouraged me to try and that has helped me, but even that was a difficult choice for me when I was at my low. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, and here I am three years later. Hoping to keep working towards greater health this year. Both physically and mentally. Whatever your personal goals are, we've got this!
-Amanda
