25 years ago but I can still feel the sunlight pouring in from the hospital windows. I can still remember the MacIntosh toffee treat I selected from the vending machine when my grandmother offered us each something. Me and my brothers waiting around to meet her. My first sister, Tori ended up being my first child in so many ways. I had three brothers and I had begged....threatened to chop my long blonde curls off....for a girl this time. Don't get me wrong, I love my brothers very much, but at 9 years old, I craved a sister. And a sister I got.
She was a sweet bald baby, with an easy good nature to her. I loved her instantly. We moved 3 times by the time she turned 1, on her first birthday my brothers and I got her a little stuffed moose (she was born the day before Canada Day). As the years went by, she slept with me, she cuddled with me, I sang her lullabies at night. When I got my first jobs I made a point of taking her out with my paycheques. On the bus to a local Chinese restaurant where she always ate a burger. To the movies. I got her dressed up in a beautiful purple dress and walked her to her Kindergarten graduation. We had a bond from day one, and it only grew stronger.
So it was only natural she would show up at my doorstep at age 15 looking for a safe place to land. It was only natural I would be awarded legal guardianship of her when I was 25. It was only natural. But that doesn't mean it wasn't hard. It doesn't mean I handled it well. And it doesn't mean that we didn't ultimately have to recover from that period of our relationship. Because she was looking for a sister, and I only knew how to be a mom.
Thankfully we found our way back together. We found our way into what I can't call a sisterhood but I know is a modern family. I was honored to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I have been privileged with knowing her children, watching her as a mom. I have been so proud of how she has come through the trauma of our upbringing - eviscerating that cycle of domestic abuse.
She loves her kids unconditionally, she raises them to embrace all parts of themselves. She makes the birthday cakes, she arranges the firetruck drive-bys, she scoops them under her arms and hauls ass when there is a bear at the park. She climbed a mountain today. She went back to school, she leads with compassion. She is everything a mother could ask for and more. She is miles ahead of where I found myself at her age because she has been putting in the work from young.
I am so proud to call her my sister. She is 25 tomorrow. And I just needed to celebrate that.
-Amanda
